Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
