i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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