Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
