there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
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so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
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Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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