it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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