I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
