Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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