Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
