Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is Oprah even human
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
