if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
