being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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