is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
