sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
