I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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