She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
