just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
