That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
