At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
