really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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