how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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