I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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