I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
