Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
