At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
