My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
