Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
is wine microwaveable?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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