Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
