I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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