I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
