so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
