Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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