it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
my liver is dry heaving
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
