i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
