Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
