Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
