Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
