god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
