Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
