You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
