Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
