my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
