I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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