Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
