i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
