the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
