If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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