I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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