CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
