well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
