I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
