i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
