So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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