He had one of those small greek statue penises
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
