That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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