I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
