I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
