margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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