you would pick up someone in the library
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
