hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
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Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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