so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
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Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
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I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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