I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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