o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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