Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize