im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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