I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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