For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
