I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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