he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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