apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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