I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
