This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
