I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.