Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize