Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.