Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!

  (650): View more from California

  LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!

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  (415): WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!! (650): LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops! http://tfl.nu/mj23
  Replies (4) Good night (1082) Bad night (857)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.

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  (201): My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms. http://tfl.nu/tth4
  Replies (6) Good night (654) Bad night (2712)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.

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  (610): This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind. http://tfl.nu/lf45
  Replies (15) Good night (4439) Bad night (1059)
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  (631): View more from New York

  You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows

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  (631): You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows http://tfl.nu/rci2
  Replies (44) Good night (4496) Bad night (2735)
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  (646): View more from New York

  its my first week of college and i have a UTI

  (718): View more from New York

  not easy being a whore now is it

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  (646): its my first week of college and i have a UTI (718): not easy being a whore now is it http://tfl.nu/tyxw
  Replies (23) Good night (1377) Bad night (4531)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.

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  (214): One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair. http://tfl.nu/h2x0
  Replies (5) Good night (2670) Bad night (918)
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  (408): View more from California

  I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me

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  (408): I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me http://tfl.nu/9m9d
  Replies (1) Good night (1568) Bad night (709)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.

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  (870): I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer. http://tfl.nu/bxkb
  Replies (5) Good night (2193) Bad night (487)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.

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  (201): sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now... (732): I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by. http://tfl.nu/2bov
  Replies (3) Good night (573) Bad night (982)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth

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  (808): At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth http://tfl.nu/4jaz
  Replies (4) Good night (888) Bad night (376)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????

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  (913): Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise. (816): Sooo grey goose Tuesday????? http://tfl.nu/cvqv
  Replies (6) Good night (1071) Bad night (292)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.

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  (269): My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers. http://tfl.nu/z1x9
  Replies (6) Good night (881) Bad night (348)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet

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  (605): You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet http://tfl.nu/kwah
  Replies (4) Good night (923) Bad night (264)
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  (916): View more from California

  Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.

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  (916): Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now. http://tfl.nu/po20
  Replies (0) Good night (258) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.

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  (702): I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ. http://tfl.nu/vjli
  Replies (4) Good night (668) Bad night (284)

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