I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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