I seem to have left my pride at pride
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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