Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
