On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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