FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Also, beer. Big fan.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
